Off to College!

So I finally moved into my dorm!  I actually made it through all of the stressful shopping and packing and moved on to the stressful moving in and adjusting.  I'm really lucky that I have such an amazing family and amazing friends that were somehow able to get me through it all without falling apart.  There were, however, a few breakdowns when I couldn't figure out what backpack to buy (It's ALWAYS the little things) and when I had to say goodbye to the friends I was leaving behind (and one that was leaving for his mission) and when I had to actually get everything together and kept panicking because I thought I didn't have enough stuff.  I eventually got here though and it's been a crazy first couple of weeks, so sit back and grab a snack because we'll probably be here a while.

In order to pack up all of my things, I had to take everything all the way down to Tucson where I could finish up my shopping and pack with my best friend because we're cute and #bestfriendgoals (of course).  She just moved to Tucson in the beginning of August and we have literally been planning out college since freshman year of high school so packing at her house was definitely a must.  Anyway, so we had a super fun weekend of shopping and packing, and shopping and packing!  We did so many things like go to the Tucson Mall, go to Walmart, go to Target, and go to the Park Mall!  It was honestly one of the best weekends of my life and I'm so happy I dragged everything down to Tucson and back up again.

The next couple of days were the worst out of this entire experience so far.  There were so many people I needed to say goodbye to and so many last minute things I needed to pack.  I got to go ice skating with my little lunch squad from senior  year which included some of my closest friends.  It was seriously so much fun.  It was really hard saying goodbye to everyone and I had to fight back the tears.  Then, about two days later I went to the movies with two of them and had to start the whole process of not crying over again except this time they had written me the most amazing letters and they were so thoughtful which made leaving them even harder.  When I finally had everything packed and I had said goodbye to most of the people I was leaving behind, it was time to pack up the car!

So, a little back story first.  Just two days before leaving (about four hours before going to the movies) I got in a car accident in the mall parking lot (I'm a good driver, I promise) and the front bumper was smashed as well as one of my headlights.  This just so happened to be the car my dad and I were taking to move up to college in because my dad's car was too small (perfect timing, right?).

The car was packed so much I hardly had any room to sit and everything just barely fit.  My seat was moved all the way up, and I had to lean it all the way forward as well so I was in an extremely uncomfortable position, but it was worth it.  The car was packed floor to ceiling (literally), but we made it work. My dad and I stopped for breakfast on the way there at our favorite little cafe in Rock Springs and, an hour and a half later, we had finally made it! Of course, we did have to get Dutch Bros when we got up there before we could start setting up my room.

There was so much stuff in the car that it filled up two huge bins and the football players had to carry them up two flights of stairs (I felt so bad for bringing so much stuff) and I got to unlock my door for the very first time!  Opening that door for the first time was such an amazing feeling.  It was like stepping into a whole new (and extremely stressful) world.  After getting everything unloaded I finally got to set up my dorm and get everything unpacked.  I couldn't really put any decorations up because my roommate hadn't arrived yet, but I pretty much had gotten all of my stuff unpacked by then.  When my roommate finally arrived everything went by in a blur.  Things were moving all over the place and everyone was moving at a million miles a minute.  It only took us three days, but everything everything got set up and it was time for both of our parents to leave.  Having my dad go home wasn't as hard as I had expected.  I was glad to be on my own, but at the same time, I was terrified not knowing what was going to happen.  I was so nervous for my classes to start and I was having a really hard time with the fact that my sister couldn't be here.  

Because my mom was  obviously not going to be able to make it to move-in day, my sister and I had been planning on doing this together.  However, she was pregnant and move-in day just happened to be three days before her due date and she wasn't able to travel down from Colorado.  That added a tremendous weight onto my shoulders because I missed her so much and I wanted so badly for her to be there for me that day.  I did kind of have my sort of mom (my best friend's mom who has basically been my mom too for the past 6 years) there, which was nice, but she was mostly with Jessica (my best friend - yes we have the same name) so I didn't really get to see her.

Once everything was all set up, of course my friends and I had to see each other's rooms.  One of my friends was living in temporary housing at the time, so she didn't really have much set up in her room.  My best friend's room was the cutest out of all of ours.  Hers was beach themed and everything was blue and tan and super cute.  She had twinkle lights everywhere and even contact paper on the shelves (that was the best part)!  We all spent most of our time in there for the first week because it was so nice.

Unfortunately, my best friend had to go home for some health reasons after a couple of days.  I was doing mostly okay because she was here and then I got to my first day of classes and found out she was leaving and I started having panic attack after panic attack.  I was freaking out from everything that was happening and it was awful.  I didn't think I would be able to handle being here without her especially because my classes were so hard.  It was only the first day and I already had a full night's worth of homework.  I would go through short periods of time where I literally could not breathe and I just wanted to cry and scream or something.  You might think it's stupid that I was freaking out so much that my friend was dropping out and that my sister, who hasn't lived anywhere near me since I was 6, wasn't with me, but you have to remember I have some pretty intense anxiety and it was hard enough for me to be here in the first place.  I was nauseous all the time, I was getting intense migraines, I couldn't stop crying and panicking, and then on top of all of that I had to spend $500 on books for my classes (I had to buy even more after that and it actually ended up being over $800).  In high school I had choir and my puppies and my best friend to help my anxiety, but here I have nothing.  I have to figure out some way to get my anxiety under control and, at the moment, nothing is working. 

Anyways, so after my best friend left I was even more of a mess than when she was here.  I literally could not stop crying (the panic attacks had stopped which was nice) and I was stressing about everything so much more.  I was a mess and literally falling apart, it was so bad.  I didn't have anyone to talk to and I felt really  alone.  Fortunately, one of my friends back home let me vent to him and managed to sort of calm me down for a little bit.  My sister tried giving me ways to reduce my stress but, unfortunately for me, none of them worked.

After a couple of days I finally got the hang of things but I was still crying all of the time and all I was doing was homework and I was really starting to fall behind.  I went to talk to my counselor about dropping one of my classes because that class was literally the worst and I physically could not sit through another lecture.  I was able to switch it out for a choir class for about an hour and then I had to drop that too because the teacher didn't want to add anyone late.  So I ultimately ended up not adding another class so I can take this semester to figure out how to study and what things work and don't work for me.  This is especially nice because one of my classes is only an 8-week long course which ends in a couple of weeks and then I'll only have four classes.  I still barely have time for anything that's not homework, but I definitely try and make time for breaks so my brain doesn't explode from all of the readings I have to do.  I just took my first Bio. test and I think I'm starting to get the hang of everything now for the most part.  There are, however, some kinks I still have to work out and I need to figure out some way to calm my anxiety.