This is ME

When I was four years old, my mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness called Sarcoidosis. My entire life, every moment and every second was completely out of my control. I spent my entire life in hospitals constantly worrying about my mom and praying she would get better and every day was filled with uncertainty. Is my mom going to be there for graduation and college and my driver's test? Will my mom be in the hospital tomorrow or will I see her when I get home from school? Currently I have to struggle through my anxiety constantly because of this. I have a hard time meeting new people and even just experiencing life. Anything that brings uncertainty stresses me out to the point that I can't function and all I can think about is that one thing.

Now I'm off to college and, as I'm sure you can imagine, that comes with an unbearable amount of stress and not just the typical amount of stress that comes with leaving home. Every little decision I have to make is like climbing Mount Everest. What backpack to buy, what color everything is supposed to be, even what pillows to get. All of it is so monumental to me that if I make the wrong decision it'll ruin everything and I will have failed and my entire life will be ruined. I'm excited to go, I really am, and I know that I'm not going to ruin my life by choosing the wrong backpack; it's just that I have such a difficult time with change that that's how it feels. I'm about to leave the comfort of the home that I've lived in for the past twelve years and move to a new city and a new home to live with a complete stranger in a situation I've never experienced before and know nothing about.

On top of all of this, my dad just got married a couple of months ago to a woman I've only met twice and know nothing about. Oh, and just to add more stress because I didn't have enough already, she lives in another state and my dad and I are moving there next summer! So now, not only am I going to have to go to college in two weeks, but in ten months I will be moving to a new state just to go back to the same college two months later.

WELCOME TO MY LIFE......